The Weird of MS

I have had parathesia in my feet and hands most of the time since my MS diagnosis.  Parathesia is a mild tingling sensation kind of like touching a low voltage electric fence, or a tuning fork after its humming.  I also have had Dysesthesia in my left foot for several years which makes my foot feel like it’s tender and sunburned.  Most of the time I didn’t notice it except in the evenings or when I’d get over tired or stressed.  A month ago it reared up in my left hand.  I get the throbbing and burning and if it is bad more of an electric buzzing.  Washing my hand hurt as well as picking up some things. Thursday I woke up and the burning and pain had spread to 90% of my body and is more intense.

Putting on clothes and shoes, carrying things in my hand, even sitting on hard certain surfaces suddenly became intense enough to bring me to tears.  Thursdays I drive my son to band so he doesn’t have to tote his trombone to school.  So I loaded myself up which brought me to tears that I quickly managed so I could be happy mommy when I picked him up.  I got him dropped off at school and he realized he forgot his book which he set down to put on shoes, so I ran back to Joes and grabbed that which put me to tears again.  I dropped off his book and headed to my office.  I knew I wasn’t staying, but had left my laptop on my desk so it could update for a couple days.  I collected what I needed and shuffled out.

Once home I Sent a note to my primary doc and waited.  I’d had a similar pain on my lower half in 2012-13 timeframe before my official MS diagnosis which she thought was shingles. (Always suspected it was my MS looking back).  She passed the buck and sent me to my neurologist who quickly confirmed my fears.  Dysesthesia!  No real treatment just Gabapenten which is a nerve blocker of sorts.  I had some from when I had shingles last spring so started taking it Thursday hoping it helped.  So far it’s taking the edge off, but little things like a hug, or putting clothes on and off, sitting all make me cringe.  I’ll still willingly take on any hugs (don’t worry if I cringe) 



I did go swim on Friday as I needed a little fresh air, and ran 4.4 miles on Saturday.  I noticed however that not only is my skin sensitive and burning, but it’s making my muscle response in my left leg feel different when I exercise for more than 20 minutes or so. It’s Almost like that leg is fatiguing faster and I have less control of it.  I'm also noticing my recognition of being cold on that side is also limited since the skin feels like it’s burning warm. Neurologic signals in my body often lie and that lying is running rampant on my left side now.

So what does that mean for the future?  I’ll keep praying each day that the symptoms subside (MS is weird like that as symptoms can rear for weeks or months and then disappear again like a sleeping dragon).  I’m increasing my gabapenten dosage per my neurologists recommendation, and I’ll start a several month round of CBD oils once my supply arrives.  I’m also planning to cut out excess sugar and the last of the processed foods o still eat between thanksgiving and Christmas to see if that helps too. Hopefully with that, regular exercise and better sleep things will calm back down.

In the meantime I’ll leave you with a nice article about Dysesthesia.  I’ll be okay either way because there are so many great reasons to keep on moving. 

Hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving!

https://www.healthline.com/health/dysesthesia

The Feels, Crawling Towards the Light

Lately I've been pretty introspective.  Challenges and changes in my life have been stressing me out and I find myself sad, frustrated or over critical of myself.  

Am I doing everything I can for my kids? Am I volunteering enough, feeding them right, keeping them away from too much screen time, making sure I spend enough time with them?  Keeping them from over allocating themselves?  Am I providing a nurturing environment? Do they have enough gratitude?

Am I doing my best to move my projects forward at work?  Am I being a good mentor?  Am I doing enough outreach in my geospatial community?  Am I communicating my personal career goals to myself and my leadership?




Am I being a good partner?  Am I creating too much of a burden for my partner, friends and family?  Do I ask too much or not enough?  Am I being a good friend to the people and family that mean the most to me?

Am I managing the money I have for the right things?  Does it make sense to find a second job?  Does it make sense to turn part of my home into an income space? What do I need to do to meet my financial goals?

Am I taking care of myself?  Do I need to keep seeing a counselor to talk through things?  How broken am I today?  Am I getting enough quality sleep?  Am I getting enough exercise?  Am I staying away from the foods I know make me feel crappy?  Am I making downtime so I can rest?  Am I making time for friends and fun?  Am I doing my part to make the world a better place?  What do I want to be when I grow up (life goals)?

These are the many questions that some days make me want to go back home and crawl into bed.  But I don't... I get up and put on my best face.  I download my insecurities to my closest friends and my counselor but letting them also know I am okay because I acknowledge I do not have all the answers, and I make mistakes, and I am a bit broken but I feel good about who I am and where I am going even if sometimes I am VERY impatient with myself.

Last night I went to an Indigo Girls concert.  It was money spent I really didn't have but I wanted to take the three most important people to me (who aren't blood relations) out to do something that would lighten our loads and be fun.  The great thing about the IG is that they are wonderful story tellers, and wise women.  There were several songs they sang that talked about embracing the light.  From Prince of Darkness "I tried to make this place my place, I asked for Providence to smile upon me with his sweet face, But I'll tell you My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark (By grace, my sight grows stronger and I will not
be a pawn for the Prince of Darkness any longer)"

Another song that caught my ear was It's Alright "And for everything I learn there are two I don't understand, That's why I'm still on a search through the weather strewn church, I'm doing the best I can and it's alright, And it's alright though we worry and fuss, we can't get over the hump or get over us, It seems easier to push than to let go and trust but it's alright, When we get a little distance some things get clearer"

So I continue to wander down the path with a vision of where I want to go, but no clear idea of the steps to take to get there.  So sometimes I get jammed up pushing things along when I should really let go and trust that the small decisions along the way really will be fine.




I know I am pretty lucky (and extremely grateful) I have a wonderful family and extended family who have been with me from the start.  I have a handful of really amazing friends who get me and love me and pick me up when I feel like lying down on the ground and letting the river of life flow over me.  

This past year has made me more humble I hope, and probably not less stubborn, however more willing to ask for and receive help, and more accepting of others and the things they are fighting through (still working on that part with my ex but it helps my honey give me good perspective.)

                                                                          So I leave you with a few things I am grateful for... I am grateful for the hardships

Which reminds me of the Andy Grammer song I wish you pain "It's hard to say
But I wish you pain, I love you more than you could even know, Been here before and I just wanna see you grow"
I am grateful for a good job, a nice house, the ability to support my family and take care of us even when times feel tight.  I am grateful for the adventures we get to have together.  I am grateful to have an amazing love that is helping me grow into the person I want to become and growing with me.  I am grateful for the nature Iowa provides (despite the weather) with beautiful sunrises and sunsets, trees, stars in the night sky, and the promise of another day. So I leave you with the quote (above left) and ask you to be kind to each other, and support each other, and love, because tomorrow is another day and we can try again.

As always, thanks for reading.

Boulder 1/2 Ironman Race Report

Yes me.. the whole race.

Leading up to this race I had an "oh shit" moment.  I'd spent the last few month packing a house finding a new house, dealing with health issues, moving Joe, moving me, and clearing things out on the acreage.  In June when the dust settled I realized I only had about six weeks to get my training in to go do my fourth Ironman in Boulder the first week of August.

I had a decent base of running, and has been hitting the pool and doing spin class unto May.  I just needed to ramp up the mileage and not get hurt.  I got my bike out of my crammed full garage and did a total of three longish rides, plus riding to work and the gym/pool.  I started ramping up my weekend run distance, and morning pool time started after memorial day in the 50 meter.  About two weeks out from Boulder I had a minor malfunction.  Every muscle in my body got really tight and caused a fair bit of discomfort in my neck and legs making running and road riding challenging.  I dialed back the run and decided to just go race and see what happened.

I love having my name on my race number

I drove out on my own with a stopover to visit my friend Lisa overnight and got to Boulder to pick up my packet on Friday.  It was warm but not ridiculous.  I got my packet, checked my bike and surveyed transition fully prepared to make the best of things.

I met up with Galen and got checked into the AirBnB we were sharing and then we walked down to the local grocer for some dinner and made a plan for the morning.

Water exit compliments
race photographer

We were staying near the venue and left with plenty of time to get there and set up, and as we walked across the parking area I realized I forgot my cooling sleeves which drop my arm temperature up to five degrees when I race on hot days.  There wasn't anything I could do as traffic was only coming in and we were all there already so I had to just go with the flow and figure things out on the run course to keep me cool.  I had some nice chats with my neighbors and we found out the water temp was 75.9 degrees so wetsuit legal.  In the past I might of thought about what to do, but any advantage I can muster these days I take so wetsuit it was.

bike compliments of race photog.

Hung out in the potty line, and then waited for the race to start while I ate a banana.  It was a rolling start and I figured I'd park in the 30-33 minute group but got to chatting and ended up in the 35 minute group with no hope of moving closer to where I should have been. I swam through a lot of people during the swim as a result and that likely slowed me down but I made the best of it and just kept swimming with a time right on target.  The amazing wetsuit strippers and the sunscreen goddesses got me squared away and out onto the bike course.

had to stop on the run and get a picture of this
awesome sign

Then to start my worst leg... As I mentioned above I was a wee behind getting training miles in, and I'd been having some issues with my legs as well as my shoulder and neck and they all came into play at some point on the bike, but so did something else bigger than myself.  This was the first race where I could feel the support and love of friends and family in spirit with me.  I've lost two friends in tri in the last couple of years and one friend earlier this summer who I was supposed to visit on this trip and recently lost his battle with cancer.  I reflected on what amazing people they each were how proud they would be that I was here doing what I love on that beautiful day.  I knew my new love was also cheering me on from back home such that people on FB were wondering if he was there with me.  I also had friends and family from running, tri and life also tracking me and sending their love and support and you know what it lifted me up in the hardest parts of that 56 miles.  For that I was incredibly grateful.  It was a pretty powerful feeling, but inevitably the sneaky bastard hills that you didn't know you were going up but for the drop in speed and the burn in your legs, and the aches of my body made the last ten miles pretty grueling, but fortunately they were all within sight of the venue so that gave me the strength I needed to gut it out and get my ass off the bike.

finish photo compliments of race photg

So on to the run.  As I noted my legs had been a bit of a crap shoot so I'd grately reduced my mileage the last two weeks before the race, and it was sunny and low 80s and I'd forgotten my cooling sleeves so my plan was to go easy on the first loop, and then see how I was doing for the second loop.  I had walked most of a half marathon before so I was fully prepared to do that again.  I got out on the course and they had ice, blessed ice in great abundance.  I wore my hat so I could put ice in it, and I also put ice in the sports bra front and back which gave me a stead stream of core cooling throughout the run.  I can't take on nutrition on the course due to food and gut sensitivities to the offerings so I had a couple ninjxias from Young Living on me, as well as taking one leaving transition.  I figured out within the first couple miles that I felt decent and that I could carry ice in a cup to suck on while I ran.  I also figured out they had potato chips which I could eat at most of the aid stations so every aid stations after mile three I took on ice, water and walked through.  Then had chips as needed as they were available.

Coming into the last couple miles of the first loop/out and back I was running with another mom about my age and we were keeping each other company and still running.  I couldn't believe it so I decided to keep running, and just walk the aid stations and the miles slowly ticked away.  I saw Galen and Lara along the way on the run, and I kept feeling better and better. My running friend dropped off around mile nine and I still felt good so I picked up the pace and ultimately ended up with a significant negative split for the last 5k and looking at my watch realized I still had a chance to be under my goal time of 7 hours so I kicked it in and really pushed the last mile to the point where my angry leg kicked in and I was limping but damit I wasn't going to slow down because I was in the zone.  I ended up finishing with my second fastest of the four half ironman races I have done.  Oh I forgot... 1/2 Ironman - 1.2 mile open water swim, 56 mile rolling hills bike, and 13.1 mile crushed gravel run.

Had to buy this finish picture and plan to print
and frame it to remind me of all the things I
overcame to get here.

With all the adversity I'd dealt with related to my food sensitivities, shingles, MS, divorce and move, falling in love again, I somehow found myself overcoming everything to finish the race strong and feel great in the end.  I am super grateful for my friends and family and teammates who kept me moving the last year encouraging me, handing me tissues, moving all my crap, again... And while I'm never going to be fast, I know I don't plan to quit anytime soon.  Next up, a half marathon in April 2020 and my first marathon in June 2020 and then who knows what the future holds.  All I know is I am ready to face it all head on.  Thanks as always for reading.  Love you all.

Sweet swag pile from the race

One last thought.  I read this article after the race and it really captures what I was feeling that day.  When training, or racing or life get tough do a gratitude mile and be grateful for all the good you have in your life.  Gratitude mile https://www.runnersworld.com/training/a29321193/gratitude-tips-for-long-run/