The summer of unexpected

Well, as you all know it's been a bit of year for me so far.  Looking back at my summer I certainly had some expectations for how things were going to shake out.  Do some races to keep busy, move into my new place, and settle into a routine with the kids coming and going.

My race plans had a lot of hiccups.  I couldn't run the Drake Half-Marathon after a weeks of battle with MS fatigue mixed with food sensitivity issues and a bout of shingles.  I ran the Hope Run with Joshua and Joe, but couldn't run Midnight Madness due to leg issues I am still  working through.  I raced in the Ames triathlon which I signed up for at the last minute, only to opt out of Bluff Creek to spend time with my kids after either being on the road with them or not having them with me for many summer weeks.

My place still barely feels like home with mostly new (to me) furniture, new venue, and just a lizard to keep me company half the time.  I got moved into my new place and for weeks upon weeks I had totes and boxes and piles (still do really) on my porch, and in my parlor and bedroom.  We just got things hung on the walls a few weeks ago with the help of my folks and Steve.

Then there is the yard.  We got the trampoline moved out of necessity and spent several intense weeks building chicken coop 2.0 (there will be a separate blog on that) but neither of those are completely assembled in their normal functional state.  Then add the buckets and bags of plants I dug up from the old house, and all the plants I ordered with the hope of having a vegetable garden this year that languished most of the summer in place, only to get dumped out as water filled the totes they were hanging out in.

And the summer routine I thought would be simple ended up being a tad complex with mini vacation travels, Abby's first job (she taught swim lessons and life guarded at the local pool), an intermittent nanny, both kids off to scout camp, and grandma's house, loss of a friend, and a work trip plus travel for a big race (yet another blog), which left my head spinning and no real routine to be seen.


However, through all the crazy, and changes and reinventing I built some new friendships, conquered a few of the goals I set off to tackle, reintroduced myself to a new love that is constantly filling my bucket and I his, and started doing some of the things I've always wanted to do but for which I never had a willing partner.  All in all the last eight months have been a roller coaster of ups and downs but the driving force for me was hope for doing more than just surviving... finding my way to thriving.

So just know while I still struggle, and life it a chaotic and crazy most of the time, that I have found my way to thriving and I am loving it.  As always thanks for reading.

I leave you with the following quotes that I am aspiring to...

Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.
~ Eddie Cantor

In an age of acceleration, nothing can be more exhilarating than going slow. And in an age of distraction, nothing is so luxurious as paying attention. And in an age of constant movement, nothing is so urgent as sitting still.
~ Pico Iyer

Tough decisions and major changes

Joe and I have been together for 22 years with a lot of ups and downs.  I have been pretty private here about our time together because we’ve had good days and bad days and if I’m being honest the struggles never seemed appropriate to share here.  We’ve been through two rounds of heavy counseling together over the years as well as individual counseling but never could get to the part where we could come together enough. Through all the ups and downs of 22 years we have both changed, grown apart, become less tolerant.  


We have lived in three states (four if you count the first six weeks we spent together), working to raise two kiddos (and cats, dogs, lizard, goats and chickens), riding through the waves of different jobs good and bad.  In December the hard decision was made to dissolve our marriage. While it continues to be a painful, stressful time for our family we both agree we probably should have done this a while ago. What this means for us is separating the household into two with the kids going back and forth each week.  Moving into two new homes and saying goodbye to the acreage we all love. And most of all, depending on all the people who care for us to help us navigate the path ahead.

We are making this change amicably and with the best interest of our family in mind, and we are both determined to be better coparents than we have been partners.  So we ask of you not to pick sides as we will always be a family even if we are not sharing a home. Help us by listening to our sad stories and remind us that the sadness will lift with time, make us laugh, pull us out of the house when it's our week alone, remind us to be grateful and that we are loved.

This dissolution may not be like others as we are still in the same house as we work through the financial changes needed. We are making decisions together and trying our best to be kind and supportive to each other.  Please do not share your divorce horror stories or try to push us into choices you would make as we are taking our own path. We are going to need help moving (two times) and hope that the dust will have settled by August so we can establish our new normal.

So moving forward if you have questions ask them, we don’t want you to feel sorry for us or try to change our minds.  If you want to help or listen then check in, help us lighten the load for the kids if you are able. They are doing pretty good with all of this so far but the hard days are still ahead.  Just know we are grateful to have your support in whatever capacity you can provide.

As always thanks for reading.

Shawn and Joe

Gestures of Love Challenge

Ok, so I was sitting here wondering what another valentines day will bring... and came across this article. If anyone reads this I implore you to try out some of her ideas for the next ten days. I plan to have some fun with this... I will blog a follow up after valentine's day to let you know how I did. :)

Excerpt below By Monica Wilcox

My single girlfriend has been counting down the days until Valentine’s Day since mid-January, as if it’s a court date for a romantic misdemeanor. Now that the calendar is flashing February, she’s warped herself into a V-day panic. WHAT will she do with herself on this dreaded day? Sit alone in her condo, slurping bowls of Special K, watching reruns of Sex and the City? Huddle in a crowded bar with her single girl posse? For Anita, “love” has become a battle hymn.

Here’s the odd thing, I’m just as disgruntled with Valentine’s Day, even though I deeply love my husband of 18 years. Manufactured romance just doesn’t do it for me; like a Husky pulling the Hallmark sled, dashing to the store for some F.C.C (flowers, chocolates, and a card). Spending around $128 (men average $166 while women average $90) before my husband and I retire to a restaurant to suffer through a 90 minute wait for a small table near the kitchen. Valentine’s Day is as poorly scripted as a XXX flick.

Somewhere along the way (probably when caveman A noticed cavewoman A kept dragging flowers into their cave) we got off track in this love thing. We’ve stopped listening to the call of our hearts, beating the same song every moment of the year: love, love, love. Tell me that love, to give AND to receive, is not your life’s highest purpose? That’s the IT, the WHOLE, the ALL: just love. If you were to unabashedly love every day until the end, would that not be a life well lived? Would that be love well owned? And here is the miracle, you don’t have to have “romance” to experience love, because you’ve got loads of impressive stuff within you waiting to be loved, and if you’ve already paid homage to your own soul, there are a trillion other life forms on this planet ready to share your heart.

The Challenge

Don’t let another day pass, February or not, before you open your heart. I’m challenging you to commit to 10 gestures of love over the next 10 days; simple gestures that pack a lot of love with a minimal amount of effort. If you promise not to let a lack of a mate stop you, I’ll promise I won’t let having a long-term mate stop me. Can you imagine where this could take our spirits, our energy, and our lives if we were to really celebrate the greatest emotion we will ever share? Go ahead; let’s toss our love pebble out to see how far the rings will travel.

The Doing — Love Thyself

To hear “I LOVE YOU!” from your own heart — it took me a long time to hear that, entirely too long. To know that you are more than enough — just as you are, before the name or titles, the relationships and achievements — is one of the hardest and mightiest things we can grasp. I believe to be on this planet as a mysterious bulk of biological mass working in perfect synchronicity, is a gift of love in and of itself; a chance to experience, learn anew, feel, and sense. Consider this — I can sense the power of an ocean through the tide crashing on my purple painted toenails…sipping a fruity drink…eating chocolate. Now that’s a Valentine!

Are you squeamish at the idea of loving your own soul first and foremost? Don’t you think it’s time, (cue The Judds) don’t you think it’s time? Close your eyes, take a deep gut busting breath and speak the words “I love you.” Take another deep breath, and think these words, then think them three more times. Now sit in silence and say it not with your mind or your voice, but with your heart. There, see how sweet self love is — and it was calorie free and didn’t require a reservation. You’ve already accomplished your first gesture of love.

Now let’s get creative. Write a love letter to your soul. Spend an extra hour one morning trying a new hairstyle. Take a nap in the grass and sunshine at the city park. Plant your favorite inspirational quotes in the pockets of your summer clothes. Give yourself that romantic gesture you’ve always hoped someone else would do for you? Why wait another day to tell your soul how happy you are to BE?

The Doing — Love a Stranger

One of the greatest gestures of love is an unconditional one. Don’t let an opportunity to commit a gesture of love for a perfect stranger pass you by, especially if you can stay anonymous. Pay for the person’s order behind you at the drive-thru. Tuck a valentine under the front wiper of every car you park beside in the next two weeks. Doorbell ding your neighbors with heart shaped sugar cookies. The crazy, cool miracle of committing a gesture of kindness for a stranger is the state of giddy joy that overcomes you as you sneak away.

The Doing — Love Something

What do you love: your garden, a pet, yoga, cooking, crafting, Facebook? Commit a gesture of love by showing your gratitude to have this wonderful thing in your life and all the joy it has brought you. Fertilize those roses. Take Frisky to the dog park. Fit in an extra class. Craft a special something for another. If you love something deeply, make sure the Universe knows how much it means to you!

The Doing — Love Someone

Why do we have to be 8 to give everyone in our life a valentine? When did love become restricted to a romantic partner? Who is it that you think of often but never have time to contact? Who do you love but keep forgetting to tell? Commit a gesture in the next two weeks for every long term relationship you have: romantic or not. Mail them homemade valentines. Meet for coffee. Send a text reminding them which trait you love most about them. Leave a meaningful quote on their office desk with their favorite candy. Even better, do something kind for someone they love.

Taking up the Challenge

Go ahead, redefine Valentine’s Day. Take up the challenge with me and see if 10 days of loving gestures will change your February. What do you think happens to our soul when we focus on love? Do you think it may trigger those who receive it to embrace love themselves? Be careful, you may enjoy this so much; you’ll be spilling love right into Christmas.

Monica Wilcox
www.femmetales.com

the people who mold who we are

Typing this from my phone since i am not close to a computer. It has been a rough couple of weeks for my family. Today my mom called me to tell me my grandfather, who has been struggling with prostrate cancer and heart issues for the last couple of years, has taken a turn for the worst. My father has gone to Muscatine to be by his father's side with his three sisters and his brother.

Their mother, my grandma, died when i was eighteen from the side affects related to brain cancer. It was a very traumatic loss for our family but with time we learned to appreciate each other for the time we had left. I am sure that while they wait for my grandpa to pass they are sharing fond memories of their parents.

As i ponder my life and who i have become i see my parents and their parents. My grandfather was a mason and taught his children about hard work. To this day my father is handy and helped us build our basement as well finishing our garage. He has given me confidence to build great things like the garden shelving from spare lumber on my garage. Confidence that i am sure carries over in other parts of my life today.

My grandmother was an artist who did beautiful paintings. She pushed us as kids to find creative outlets. They both loved theater and would take the grandkids to see children's theater events. She was a firm believer in education and all of her children eventually got college degrees with several having advanced degrees.

They loved to travel and i wish they were here to tell me amazing stories of their travels around the world to go with the postcards they sent me over the years.

Both of them believed in the power of family and could often be found at the baptisms, weddings, sporting events and graduations of their children, grandkids and other family and friends. You always felt part of something bigger than yourself when you were with them.

While i am finally finishing this blog several months after i started it... my grandfather passed away right before Thanksgiving... i am so grateful for the time is was able to spend with each of them... and for the memories my family members shared about them at the wake.

What a blessing to be loved and to love another. Time is precious so don't waste it.

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