Not winning today

This week has been a lot.  Honestly the last nine months have been a lot with tons of work travel and responsibilities.  More to do than I can possibly get done at home and at work.  Today, right now, I am supposed to be in Clear Lake do a triathlon.  I’ve struggled with what to do all week.  First with lordy it’s going to be dangerously cold on the swim with water temps around 62 and air temps around 50.  I knew there was no recipe for success just to get through the swim, which is always a challenge for me, not for the swimming part as that is usually my best leg, but for the cold part.  It always leaves me gasping and last year I ended up doing most of it back stroke.  Thursday the race team following USAT rules decided the swim was going to be unsafe and opted to change the tri into a du which meant two runs and a bike.  One level of stress down.

That would have been fine however Wednesday I went home part way through the day as I just felt really off emotionally and physically. Last week Abby had left for her summer job and I am missing her pretty hard this week. Monday, I onboarded some new interns which can be overwhelming especially when I haven’t had time to work up our summer task list yet. Tuesday, I had a dr appointment where I really didn’t feel heard related to all thing perimenopause. And by Wednesday midday I was spent.  I went home and spent the afternoon emotionally finishing a book.  By Wednesday evening an MS flare had caught up with me and my left arm and leg were on fire.

Most of the time when people look at me, they would have no idea that I’m struggling with an incurable but mostly manageable chronic illness.  I work hard to stay fit and take care of my family, but my MS can have a mind of its own and it forces me to take care of me.  This was one of those weeks.  I can usually tell I am overdoing it when Dysesthesia (an abnormal sensation, often described as a burning or prickling pain, that is triggered by nerve damage) kicks in.  It feels like I have a bad sunburn that won’t go away.  I also have neuropathy with pins and needles in my hands and feet.  Both come and go or are more intense anyway, when I have been overdoing it.  The Dysesthesia has been with me for a couple of weeks but intensifying to the point the last couple of days my topical nerve cream and Tylenol have been my saving grace.  Things touching my skin like my shirt and shoes hurts, swimming every time my arm goes in the water hurts.  Most of the time I just ignore it as it is kind of naggy but not very intense.

Clear Lake Tri last year

With the flare kicking in Wednesday, it also meant my mobility was challenged as flares make my left hand and leg does not want to do what the rest of me wants to do.  It is one of the few times people can tell I am struggling with my disability as my gait will be off, and my use of my hand may look not quite right.  Thursday I was feeling pretty low, but the universe must have known I needed some love.  One of my favorite racing friends reached out to see if I was racing this weekend, and two of my good friends reached out to see what my plans were for my birthday on Sunday and lifted my spirits. By Friday morning the flare was starting to subside, but I was still struggling with a fair bit of pain, but I went about gathering gear and making plans to still race.

Friday night sitting on the couch with my honey I decided to factor in the rest of my weekend into my decisions.  Getting up at 4:30 in the morning to drive up to Clear Lake and race.  Spending almost 3 hours racing and then driving back home were looking like a daunting task.  My training focus has been mostly gearing up for my first marathon in June, so this race was not high on my priority list, but I had been looking forward to challenging myself and seeing my race friends.  I know there will be more races, and this was at best a B or C race in my overall plan, so I opted to pull out.

My activities for the weekend also include babysitting Steve’s adorable grandson Bodie who is two on Sunday (I am BG - bonus grammy).  Sunday is also my 51^st birthday.  Since I plan to spend time with family and friends and have more than enough activities here to keep me busy like finishing planting our garden, getting the house painting restarted, and working on my huge pile of books.  Those activities this weekend feel like time better spent, and emotionally/physically what I need to be doing this weekend.

So, this blog isn’t about asking for sympathy, but about being honest with myself about the limitations MS puts on me sometimes.  There will always be more races, and for as long as I am able, I will be toeing the start lines with my friends, but I know it’s okay to step back.  This isn’t the first race I’ve DNS and probably won’t be my last and I am okay with that, but I will keep showing up when I am able.

Me at the finish line last year
With my honey Steve.

Have an awesome long weekend everyone.  Please consider donating today to the MS Society on my behalf, so we can someday find a cure, and reverse some of the damage done by this currently incurable disease.

https://events.nationalmssociety.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donordrive.participant&participantID=604229

A No Excuse Life - What this Garmin Means to Me - Goals for 2025

From A No Excuse Life by Chris Norton

"Call to Action: Starting today, let your actions speak for you. Reflect on your values and what you want to be known for, then align your actions accordingly. As you consistently live out your beliefs, watch how your identity transforms and how your impact on the world becomes more profound."

After my 2023 Grandma's half marathon I had all these thoughts, not all good, banging through my head. Really pretty negative for me.  

Over the years I have run over a dozen half marathons, done four half ironman triathlons (the last one in 2019 - 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run), and have always had a goal of completing one full ironman (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run).  My 2013 MS diagnosis knocked me back and 2014 was both a hard year, and an amazing year as I got to race on the Kyle's Bike team (they picked me before I knew I had MS for sure).  Three of my half ironmans and most of my half marathons have come after Dx, but for some reason 2023 was hard for me.  

Maybe because it was my first big race post covid, post racoon attack, post broken foot, post IT band nonsense that fought me for four years.  Maybe I needed a couple more long runs in my training plan, maybe my head space was disrupted once I got into the Duluth city limits with all the crowds, but all I know is the last mile of that race nearly beat me.  I stopped having fun and had to dig deep to keep shuffling... like an old lady... to find my way to the finish line.

During that last mile my inner dialog was about whether to invest in myself and my race equipment, or to give up doing long races and on that LONG time goal of doing an Ironman Triathlon.  Maybe MS had beaten me after all... but I couldn't stop thinking about getting a real, proper racing watch that could see me through 15-17 hours of racing.  Something that could track my data effortlessly instead of using my phone and a hand me down apple watch.  Something that could be with me while I keep setting and meeting my goals.

I finished 2023 with a 10k run that went well, and made goals to do more races in 2024, and while I had a few setbacks related a broken ankle, I ended the year on a high note with a solid half marathon and my new Garmin.  With the start of 2024 came a sale on a newer model of Garmin the forerunner 255s (over $100 off) so as a gift to myself for turning 50 and believing in my future goals I invested in myself.  It arrived after I swam as part of an Ironman relay team with my triathlon club in June, but I had it in play for my favorite triathlon in Ames and along for that successful 13.1 run in November.

Me on my 50th birthday at the Clear Lake
Triathlon in 2024

So here are my 2025 goals:

Drop 10 pounds of fat and gain 5 pounds of muscle (go to weights class each week or work with a trainer).  Continue my PT rehab, add some yoga. HAVE FUN!

January - Girls on the Run Indoor Triathlon - have solid legs especially on the bike where I have languished in past years.

April - run the Drake Half Marathon (I was supposed to run last year)

May - Clear Lake Olympic Triathlon (.9 mile swim... mind over mater with the cold water, 25 mile bike, 10k run)

June - Run Grandmas Marathon 26.2 miles (MY FIRST MARATHON!!!)

September - 1/2 Ironman Wisconsin (This will force me to bike train over the summer as it is hilly, but I've done it before so I know what I am in for.  Excited to have my teammates on the course with me.)

Oct/Nov - Half Marathon Grand Rapids, MI - hoping to race with my Run A Myelin My Shoes MS race team in Michigan if it works out.

2026 - IRONMAN!  Course/Date TBD

So there it is, out in the universe for all to see.  Hopefully I collect a cheering section along the way but I am determined so who is with me?  Ironman at 52.  You betcha! GOALS!

MS Update - 2024

It's been a while since I have checked in here.  I keep queueing up ideas on things I want to share but haven't taken the time to collect my thoughts. It’s been over ten years since my official Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis.  I've had a lot of ups and downs the last six years but it seems most of them are accident related (racoons, foot fracture, IT band issues, shoulder angst, migraines, ankle fracture, etc) and while my MS effects me every day it is minor in the grand scheme of things.

I came across the word disABILITY on one of the MS blogs I read and thought it was a good summary of my MS and me.  I am fighting to retain my ABILITY with my disability.  I learn new things about my illness each year.  This year I had a lot more good days then bad, but found I don't have the stamina I'd like especially when going to multi day events or activities.  If I don't build rest into my schedule then it makes it hard by day three to keep going.

The link below was very relatable for me.  I am working hard to stay present.  Focusing on my goals and not letting the worry of the future with MS ruin my now.

https://multiplesclerosisnewstoday.com/columns/2024/05/21/feel-like-ive-lost-time-living-multiple-sclerosis/

This year as I said has been mostly good. My neurologists say I am stable, my MRIs are holding same with no active disease progressions showing on the scans.  I am on a great med with very few side effects and only slows me down two days a year.  I am still doing physical therapy to continue to work through my deficiencies and am doubling down on doing my homework for that each week.

I am doing better at managing my energy, as the funny thing about taking on a part-time teaching gig while working full time, is I spend at least one day every weekend on the couch working on class stuff so it rather forces me to be in a resting state instead of a working on the house or running around doing chores.  The house stuff gets done eventually, and I have a wonderful partner that is a great cook so I contribute when I need or want to in the kitchen.

I've been diligent about putting my fitness activities on the calendar and following through.  I need to get back to monitoring my nutrition as the holidays have lead to a few more pounds to my bits and pieces.  I have big goals though so diet and exercise will be driving me in 2025 which in turn supports my MS journey.  So I have set my intentions to focus on the now, live life to the best of my ability, and adjust plans as I need to to live my best life.  As they say in my world, I have MS but it doesn't have me.

Fitness 2024 Recap

Clear Lake 24

I am a data person so of course I have data on my fitness activities.  Per a cousin that got me started on this 12-15 years ago I decided to revive my annual fitness recap.  At the beginning of 2024 I was feeling good.  I had some solid focus on fitness, body health (working through aches and pains) and nutrition through the fall of 2023 and was feeling pretty good.  I was at my goal weight and feeling trim and ready for a great season of races and activities.

My house had a different idea in mid January, and minutes after giving myself a pep talk about being awesome for hitting my goal weight, and trimming down into my size ten pants, I had a foot shoot out from under me going down the stairs in my race to finish my morning chores before heading to class.  

Drake 10k 2024

The result of my tumble was a broken ankle.  Well, this is a place I have been before as I broke the same foot in the spring of 2022 (I was finally back in shape from that ugh). Once the initial shock wore off and I had a visit with the surgeon, I realized I was in a good place and determined not to slide too much this time.  The break wasn't a load baring bone so I could walk in a boot, and it also did not require surgery.  Bonus points, the surgeon said I could start swimming again right away (pulling only), and riding a stationary bike once the swelling was down enough to put on an ankle brace and peddle.  So for 8 weeks that is what I did.

Clear Lake Tri - 50th BDay

I missed our annual indoor triathlon in late January, but it was a fundraiser and they had my funds already.  I was supposed to do a half marathon in April, but wasn't cleared early enough to train for that, but was determined to do the 10k (6.2 miles) instead.  I was able to get some decent, slow runs in to get ready and felt pretty good on race day.

Next up were two triathlons, one on my 50th birthday at Clear Lake was supposed to be Olympic distance but training three sports with only a month for that distance was not going to be feasible so I dialed back to the sprint.  The swim (my best event) was tough as it was cold, but the bike went as well as expected (so so slow), and the run was fine.

The second one was Ames Tri, which is my hometown fun in late June.  I had a pretty good swim for that one, and an okay bike, and solid mostly run where a young woman doing her first triathlon and I were run walking together at the end of the run.

Ames Tri finish 2024

After that I pretty much don't do races through the heat of the summer so not much happening but I kept up with my run, swim and weights activities.

The next big activity was giving another half marathon a go.  My last one was in June of 2023 in Duluth and the last couple miles of that one were rough for me with some foot drop.  I got lucky with this one as I started near a couple going about the same speed as me with music playing.  Their song choices were fun and kept us all entertained until their pace dropped with about 3-4 miles left so I pushed ahead and had a solid run and met my goal for the day.

So here finally fitness data is my recap.  These are rough numbers as i didn't always have my phone or watch with me so missed recording some of the workouts.

Swim - 53 miles, with 40 hours in the water

Bike - 200 miles, with a big chunk of it indoors, 17 hours

Run - 280 miles, with 57 hours in a mix of roads, trails and treadmills

Weights/Yoga - 14 hours

Kayaking - 8 miles - 3 hours

Walking - 235 Miles - 116 hours mostly walking the dogs (I didn't track all my walks)

Hiking - 13+ miles, several hours

2025 goals include more biking outside, more kayaking and hiking.  Likely a lot more running and swimming as I have some big races lined up.  More to come on that.

Last Kayak on Clear Lake with Dad 2024

MS update - Buying Time and Holding on to Hope

Time for my usually annual MS update.  

To be fair I lost a lot of last year with trying to get Abby through her Eagle Project, and Eagle and Graduation ceremonies, choir and band concerts, gatherings, all the last things of a high school senior and I did a lot of this with a boot on my foot as the birthday curse hit again with a broken foot in late March that carried me through May.  So I guess this update is for the last two years.

One of the things with having a chronic illness is one becomes hyper vigilant of all the aches and pains and weird that pop up.  Here are a list of common MS symptoms and mine include: Fatigue, Brain Fog, Occasional Acute Pain, Spasticity, and Pins and Needles (this one is nearly constant in my hands and feet)  https://www.healthline.com/health/multiple-sclerosis/lingo-defined

I work really hard to try not to get overly stressed and as a result most of these things leave me alone most of the time.  It is hard to know what is caused by MS and what is a new an exciting annoying health adventure.  One thing I have learned is I have to keep doing my homework on research, advocating for what I need, and paying attention to the signs.

That said, I spent the end of April and beginning of May feeling pretty good in the mornings, and feeling like I am moving through molasses in the afternoon.  That false hope of a great day crushed by the demon of MS day after day for a couple of weeks.  It doesn't mean I am not terrified that the next micro flare won't be permanent, but I live my life with hope that tomorrow will be better.  It makes me grateful for days that are awesome all the way through where I am able to do all the things I want to get done and not have to pick and choose knowing I won't get past noon.  It also reminds me to ask for help, and give myself some grace when I struggle.

Yesterday I had one of my twice a year infusions of Ocrevus.  Right now it is likely the best MS disease modifying therapy (DMT) on the market for stopping the progression of MS and greatly reducing inflammation of the nervous system.  I used to go down to MercyOne in Des Moines for these treatments and it would burn a whole day in a big noisy infusion center, but with several friends going to our local infusion center for treatment, and getting moved to the faster treatment I went from almost two hours in the car and 5-6 hours in the center, to walking to my infusion, and in and out in four hours.  I even had my own room.  It was awesome.  The article below is a great recap of what the DMTs really do for us and I added a great quote from it below.

https://multiplesclerosisnewstoday.com/columns/chairborne-a-column-by-ben-hofmeister/2023/04/27/our-treatments-multiple-sclerosis-arent-cures-vital-time-buyers/

"Ocrevus is a disease modifier, but it isn’t a cure. MS is slowed or halted, but not eliminated. The damage is done, and short of a remyelinating therapy, I may not get any better. In the meantime, the hope is that I won’t get any worse. With that goal in mind, Ocrevus seems to be an excellent time-buyer."

With that my last two MRIs and health checks with my MS support team have shown that my illness is stable.  No new activity showing up, no growth of the weird tumor in my brain, no new symptoms so I will just keep on keeping on.  Advocating for what I need, managing my stress (really so terrible at this), doing my best with regular exercise and good food choices, and making plans to live my best life.

I am surrounded by people who care and support my mission and for that I am grateful.  Wishing you all the best in health.

Bees, Bees, and more Bees

So it has been a dream of mine to have my own bee hives.  I took classes the winter we moved out to the acreage in 2017.  Met a bee mentor, Arvin, whose bees I helped move about and tend, and then we moved back to town before realizing that dream.

I have room on my city homestead for some bees so last May I finally got two hives set up with the help of my bee mentor Arvin.  They hang out by the chickens, gardens and prairie.  

Going into winter I had one strong hive and one under performing hive so I was pretty sure I'd come out of winter with only one hive.  I made sure they had plenty of sugar through the winter and checked on them in March and still active.

From when I worked the hives
last fall looking for honey they might 
share with me

Working the hives solo last fall

Arvin came to check on them in April while I was traveling for work, and sadly both hives were vacant.  The week I got back I noticed that there were bees again and the volumes kept getting bigger the last couple of weeks until I saw bees oozing out of the strong hive boxes over the weekend.  I sent Arvin a picture yesterday and he agreed we'd better take a look at things.  

Something curious is happening
under the lid here.

This has nicely capped comb, 
drone cells (male bees), and 
a very large queen cell

Turns out the hive had a swarm move in (or maybe my bees came back who knows) but there were more bees then I have ever seen in one hive.  All three boxes were bursting at the seems and they were laying in the honey super (oops).

As we started working the hive we found drone cells, capped bee baby brood cells and TWO queen cells.  So we decided to move one queen cell, some bees and brood over to the second hive to see if both hives would take off with the new queens soon to emerge.  (Adding to the second hive in the left photo.) Arvin will be back in a couple of weeks to see how we are doing.

So right now we have two queen cells (the bees decided to make a couple of new queens to replace the current one they have laying).  As far as we know there is a queen in this mess of bees somewhere as there was fresh brood on much of the comb we checked.  The bees appear to be loving spring as they are bringing in pollen as well.

As we worked with both hives the larger hive was bursting out the bottom with bees (see photo right).  About that time we had agitated them enough that I got an literal bee in my bonnet and stung on my neck.  Trying a new sting treatment route this time to see if I can reduce the swelling. I got stung in Feb/March when I brought more sugar out and my left hand got very swollen.

In other news I did get to go to an all day bee seminar late winter and learned a lot.  One thing I need to do is turn my second hive or moved it a bit farther from the first one so there less likelihood of robbing to give both hives a better chance of success.

I also learned how to do a coming out of winter inspection to try to diagnose what went wrong with a hive that doesn't overwinter.  With bees moved into my empty hive I didn't get a chance to but learning more every day.  Excited to have bees.  

Hopefully they will flourish as my prairie gets going and all the neighborhood plants continue to bloom.  I live in a great part of the city for things that flower 8 months out of the year. We would love to have them share a little honey by seasons end so hoping for a good run, and that I can keep up with them.  I love learning new things.  :)

Birthday Adventures - What NOT to Wish For

From this years birthday

After a run in with a feisty raccoon that left me getting a rabies shot on my birthday this year, I spent some time reflecting on birthdays past.  I worked up a list of things that happened on or around my birthday the past 10 years.  Here is a random list of things I don't wish for on my birthday:

• A black eye (got hit by a bicycle coming off the garage ceiling while trying to protect my toddler below) (2011)
• An MS diagnosis shortly before my 40th birthday (2013)
• A pandemic birthday (we all had that last year 2020)
• A divorce finalized a few weeks before (2019)
• T-boned and totaled car on my birthday (2016)
• Crazy raccoon mama mauling (2021)... nasty pictures at the bottom... you are warned.

Newt and I on the dock

As for the mauling for those of you who are curious, I was running on ISU campus on the SW side which is very urban. It was 7:30 in the morning.  My friend, puppy and I were just meeting up with other parts of our running group, and out of the corner of my eye I saw an angry mass chasing me down.  She ran past my friend and latched on to the back of my leg and wouldn't let go.  I tried to spin around to fight her off and she quickly latched on to the front of my leg as I fell down.  I had the dog leash in my left arm and had to punch her off my with my right.  My left leg needed 19 stitches and my right hand and arm was bitten and scratched as well.

Flowers make me happy

I spent five hours in the ER while they patched me up and waited on the rabies antibodies and vaccine as well as antibiotics and bandages.  It took a couple of days before I could sort of walk as my leg and hand were badly swollen.  Rabies shots aren't as bad as they used to be.  You take them in the arm like a regular vaccine and you get four over 21 days.  They did the three rabies antibody shots in my leg and other arm.  I received a follow up rabies shot on my birthday, one this past weekend and have one left next weekend.

My clean porch
finally after 2 years.

As for the mama raccoon, she had two football sized babies.  Animal control said it looked like she had been in a fight with something so she was probably on alert and it was bad luck that I came through with my dog while she was still out of her tree.  I don't blame her for protecting her littles. They set traps and cordoned off the area but after five days she didn't take the bait.  She was still tending her babies when they collected things so likely doesn't have rabies and thankfully didn't need to be put down.  Also glad as I had my MS infusion the Monday before this and am supposed to wait two months for vaccines afterwards so the rabies vaccines probably are not very effective.

Newt was so happy I 
was okay when I got home

I got my stitches out nine days later, and while my ankle is still swollen and my leg still looks not great, I am happy to be on the mend.  This time of year people especially with little ones or dogs need to be careful in the evenings and early mornings, because the wildlife mamas are protecting their babies.  There was a possum incident with a neighbor cat this weekend so had a chat with the animal control officer who also worked the raccoon case.  The city of ames requires animals (pets - dogs and cats) to be on a leash at all times in the city limits.  Cats are incredibly destructive to the wildlife so please keep them indoors.  We have to share our outdoor spaces with the furry natives.

Cy on the way to my 
rabies shot.  First visit in
a wheel chair, second via 
car, today I walked there.

While this past two weeks was hard (no running or swimming, very little gardening, tough times walking, no dog walks, and stairs oh my) I've been through worse.  I had this song by AJR "Way less sad" stuck in my head a couple days in the beginning.  "Don't you love it, don't you love it? No, I ain't happy yet, But I'm way less sad."  So while I am still healing I get a little better every day.  I ran walked with my running friends today, and swam (just pull) yesterday so staring to get back into the swing of things). Now if Mother Nature would just cool things down a bit so I could go back outside that would be super!

I will close with a few things I am grateful from birthdays past and present:

• Time spent with family and friends
• Pre-derecho birthday storm while social distancing with friends (2020) we got wet but enjoyed each others company
• Flowers, flowers, plants and more flowers (I love May)
• An occasional gift, chocolate cake, flowers... a new to me old truck (2016)
• Garden therapy, pulling weeds and planting more flowers



my neglected garden

• The day long hum of chainsaws as a tree is being cut down outside  no not that...
• Bike rides with friends and family
• Dock time with friends and family

Really any time with the people I care about thanks to the wonders of Facebook, my birthday and a raccoon mauling many of you reached out personally this year to check in which I really appreciated.  It lifted my spirits and made me feel pretty loved.  

I am grateful to have you in my life.

Fun in the ER

May next year be less eventful but still yield a good story or two.  Wish you all fresh air, time with family and friends, and beautiful flowers.  Until next time thank you for reading.

The back of my leg after a week or so,
still looks about the same today
minus all the stiches

My hand a couple of days later